Come Rain Or Shine

Well today has been a rough one. First off I have been planning my friends Bachelorette/Bridal Shower party for a while now and in the beginning I had a job and also three ladies that were helping me with the planning and the funds to support it. Well the first few weeks two of the ladies decided they did not have time to partake in the planning so it was one gal and I that was left with the planning, she and I met and discussed all of the details in planning the party and who was going to take care of what. Well I recently lost my job so I am struggling to pay my bills and don't even know how I am going to pay rent I am talking seriously in debt. Well I emailed this gal that I needed her help with the funds as I am unable to pay for it now or at least wont be able to get all the stuff I had planned without her help, and I basically asked her to pay for the rest and that I would pay her back once I had a job..let me tell you I HATE asking people for help let alone for money with an event that I planned to take care of on my own in the beginning. So, I sent that email on Sunday or Monday so that she would have plenty of time to gather the funds for the last things for the party, I never got an email back and I noticed that she had been on this website recently so I know that she had to of read it and never responded. As of today I decided I was tired waiting for her to email me back so I built up the strength to text her and the response I got was not what I expected, I would have understood if she would have said I can't pay for the rest or whatever but I got "I didn't get your message and I have to let you know that I will not be coming to the party as something came up:" Wow, first off I understand that things come up but to say that to me after I sent you a message at the beginning of the week about helping pay for the rest of the event and to wait to tell me the day that I have to text you on the account that you never answered me back and claim to not have seen the message. Hmm can I say I feel as though she is lying about something there..either she saw the message (and I know she saw it, as she has been on the website in which it was sent since I sent it) and decided that I was asking to much of her and decided instead of saying no she can't help she decided to lie and say that she had other things suddenly come up. Or she just does not want to do it anymore, I just find the circumstances of "something came up" the same week I ask for help and you not "seeing the message" and not answering me back and you wait for me to give up and text you is hard to believe.
Now people the reason I don't have trust in her answer is I just feel it and also I have been let down like this before...why in the hell can't people just be honest with me I am not a scary person I will understand if you explain it to me.
Well now after that I was stressed and I don't like telling the BRIDE what is going on as it is her time to be drama free and this is my problem to deal with not hers. But I explained it to her and she is just a sweetheart cause the gal that backed out only helped with the invites and completely fucked me over cause I was left with how I was going to pay for the rest of the shindig as well as how I was going to pay for stamps to send the invites out. Well I just asked the bride to send out a mass text to the 30 ladies invited and let them know where it was to be held at and to rsvp to me, she responded that I should just send them out and I was stuck in a corner so I had to tell her of my job loss and not being able to pay for stamps. She was understanding and offered to get me some stamps so that I can get them out, wow the bride is not only pregnant but she is planning a wedding that is less than two months away and she is willing to help me with stamps( I feel pathetic though, so broke I can't even afford stamps).
After that I was just crying cause I am depressed about being this badly in debt and I usually keep to myself about my financial woes, the only one that knows is my boyfriend.
So, my boyfriend went down to practice with his band as it is the day that they practice..after a few hours I texted him as I didn't want to bother him while he was practicing, that I was hungry and what he wanted to eat. I waited for about thirty minutes and he finally texted me back "booze" I kinda laughed as usually he eats before he eats, a few seconds later he came into the room smelling of booze and I asked him why he smelled of booze and he was in a hurry to get back downstairs cause they were doing shots..WTF I mean would it be to much to ask if he considered my feelings as maybe I wanted to drink or get the fuck out of this house as I needed it..with tears streaming down my face..I could hear his friends screaming his name as they had a shot waiting for him..he rudely repled that he basically told me so on my money situation..first off he has NEVER been that rude when I have been crying and he NEVER acts like he doesn't care. Well let me tell you he acted that way tonight as he wanted to get drunk with his buddies, I must be a really boring girlfriend as I don't like to drink anymore and I just keep to myself that he resorts to being hateful as he has been the past week.
Well I don't know what to do I am financially, physically, emotionally freaking out right now as I have not a lot of people to talk to..In a way its my fault but it would be nice to be accepted for who I am, if people took the time to get to know me, they would find a person full of laughter, niceness and one who puts other's needs in front of her own. I am sick of this I love my boyfriend cause he is usually considerate of my feelings and treats me like gold, but lately he has changed idk if he is just sick of me not having a job and having to help me stay out of debt or if its what he uttered to me a while back "I'm not sure if I want to be in a relationship, cause I like being alone"...I find myself thinking of those words with times like these where I am left alone to stew in my own misery and pain.
Until next time-(